Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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