Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
