Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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