didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
