just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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