Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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