ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
