I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
