2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I want to have your abortion
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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