I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
