mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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