so that wasnt chicken after all
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
