I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
