the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
