That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
