Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
