3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
