Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
