the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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