You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
