If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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