I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
