I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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