Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
