Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
