the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
