my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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