My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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