Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
