ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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