i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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