my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
