I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
two words...techno handjob
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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