i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
