Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
