maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
