I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
