i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
