I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
