Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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