I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
