I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will be naked everywhere
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
