Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
