dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
