I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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