just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
