So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
