my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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