I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
