There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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