I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
