You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
